After two surgeries, three intense chemotherapy sessions, twenty-five sessions of radiation, five falls on the floor, and several appointments and visits to the emergency room, I had a faith crisis. Why did God permit an aggressive cancer to attack my body?, I frequently asked myself.
Two years and a half ago this month (December 2024), my cancer journey began. This journey was full of suffering and uncertainty, but also of hope and thankfulness. If there is a positive thing that my cancer diagnosis brought to me, it was the kind of prayer life I have now. Praying psalms, for instance, has become a central part of my prayer routine. I give thank God for allowing me to experience his grace in ways I never did in the past, despite being a Christian my whole life. I am currently free of cancer and continue experiencing God’s grace during my full recovery. So, I would like to share briefly my story and some lessons I learned during this process.
How did this journey start?
In late spring of 2022, I hit my left leg on a corner of my wooden bed frame in the early morning. My leg did not get swollen immediately but much later. This led me to believe the issue was not a big deal. After several weeks, the situation changed, and my left leg got swollen and painful. But I didn’t go to the hospital since the pain and the inflammation were back and forth. During the second week of July, I paid a visit to my primary care doctor (PCP) who recommended that I go to the emergency room (ER) after experiencing a difficult and painful time the previous day. Later, in the first week of August 2022, I visited a local hospital ER, where doctors found an active and prolonged hemorrhage in my left leg. They decided to perform a procedure to embolize it and thus control it. With this, the arteriogram found a large hypervascular mass measuring greater than 10 inches overlying the left thigh. After the surgery, which stopped the bleeding in my arteries, I started my recovery process from this emergency. With it I received several shocking news about my overall health: There was the possibility the mass found was cancerous, my blood sugar was extremely high, had high cholesterol, and I was suffering from an acute anemia. Receiving all this news was difficult to hear. Nonetheless, I received a lot of support from family, friends, and seminary folks. They all reminded me of the importance of keeping my faith alive and continuing to trust God.
One of the physicians who dealt with my case told me he couldn’t believe how I survived the hemorrhage. It seems like someone or something was keeping all this blood in its place; he said.
Besides the issues mentioned earlier, I also coped with leukocytosis, which is an increase of white cells in the blood. Usually, this happens when the body tries to fight an infection or other irregularity, such as inflammation. This condition seems to be associated with some kinds of cancer as well. When doctors performed a biopsy in my left thigh, they made a surprising discovery. A couple of days after the biopsy, my doctor came to see me in the room to deliver the news. She told me she was so sorry, but that the biopsy had confirmed I had cancer. She added, it was sarcoma cancer, which usually attacks the bones and muscles, and it was a very aggressive one. The news did not stop there. The tumor was also necrotic, which meant there was a significant amount of dead muscle tissue. I still remember that Wednesday morning when the doctor gave me this news. I was speechless. After processing it, I called my family and close friends and shared the diagnosis. Everyone was in disbelief! After the eighth day, I was discharged from the hospital to continue my recovery at home, and thus start my outpatient care. A friend of mine visited me in the hospital and took me home. After seeing my chronic condition, he started a cry in lament. I couldn’t even walk or stay seated in a chair. “Why did these things happen to good people?”, he said.
Two weeks after the hospital discharge, I experienced more challenges. The pain medication given at the hospital was almost over, and there was not a way for an easy refill. After getting the meds,however, I noticed they offered some relief, but they were not enough to remove all the pain I felt.
Before the end of August 2022, doctors performed an echocardiogram and a PET scan on my whole body to detect possible places where cancer might have gone. This test uses radioactive substances that cancerous cells absorb, so they can easily be observed in the scan. The process was straightforward but challenging. The results came a couple of days later. Except for the left leg, where the tumor was located, all body organs were working normally with no issues. The cancer, surprisingly, had spread nowhere else (that is, no metastasis found). Despite the tumor making me feel uncomfortable and provoking constant pain in my leg, the PET scan results were great news. Similarly, the echocardiogram showed positive results. My heart was enlarged, but was working normally… All valves were healthy!
In the midst of a very aggressive cancer that grew quickly, I experienced a lot of grace and mercy. I thanked God that the cancer did not spread.
Where does my comfort come from?
In this process, I increased my daily prayers. Every time I prayed, I felt better with the pain. This led me to reflect on the source of my comfort. Article 1 of the Heidelberg Catechism speaks of this same topic, and I like how the author put it:
What is your only comfort in life and in death? That I am not my own, but belong —body and soul, in life and in death — to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven; in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to him, Christ, by his Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.
Pain was controlled, but there were more challenges to overcome
A couple of days after the PET scan, I had the first outpatient appointment with my new oncologist. I was there to receive the results of my PET scan and echocardiogram. The oncologist kindly greeted me and, with no waste of time, he told me I was chronically ill with Stage 3B cancer sarcoma. He added that even if the cancer was curable, reaching full healing would be difficult. My oncologist explained to me that the team had discussed my cancer treatment and suggested starting with a high-intensity neo-adjuvant chemotherapy instead of radiation. This was a high dose of chemotherapy drugs. The treatment would comprise four full sessions. Each session would be three continuous days. There would be two weeks between each chemotherapy session to recover. After that, the radiation treatment would start. Besides the normal side effects, my doctor warned me that the treatment did not have any guarantee that it would heal me at all. There was only a 50/50 chance! If the chemotherapy and radiation succeeded, I would start the surgery’s main treatment at the beginning of 2023.
By this time, I had to deal with 14 different medications and their side effects. My palliative care doctor reviewed all my current prescriptions. He discovered that the pain meds I was taking were intended for chronic pain, but they did not address the specific severe pain I was dealing with. After some research, he found a prescription to address the neuropathic pain I had. This kind of tumor attacks not only bones and muscles but also nerves. So, this new medication would make my body reduce the effect of the tumor’s attacks on my nerves. Hopefully, my body responded well! Well, it did. The pain never disappeared, though.
My chemotherapy treatments: finding strength during my weakness
My first round of chemotherapy went well. It happened during the third week of September. My coping with the side effects went great, despite having some surprises. After five days of fighting side effects, I started feeling well on the sixth day after the treatment. God is faithful, and despite the circumstances, I experienced God’s presence powerfully.
My second round of chemotherapy finished in the second week of October. By this time, I was expecting to visit the oncologist to make an assessment and to receive some news about the tumor shrinking. The shrinking was important since it would allow the surgeon to proceed with the surgery. However, while dealing with the side effects of the second round of chemotherapy, I instead struggled with a fever diagnosis. The day before I called 911 to request an ambulance since all my strength had gone, I received an emergency call from my PCP’s office that my red blood and white blood cells were extremely low, and that I needed to go to the ER room as soon as possible. It was just a coincidence! Once in the hospital ER, I went through a series of exams, blood draws, and questions that took approximately ten hours. What made this episode more difficult was its relation to my chemotherapy treatments. Doctors did not know the source of the fever at all. I was not exposed to external factors. So, the tumor was probably the cause of the fever; they informed me. I spent the whole Friday in the ER, and the weekend in the hospital since I was admitted. It was a three-day short visit, but I learned a lot during my stay at the hospital. My hemoglobin level was as low as 5 out of 18. I could not stand up or walk. I needed a nurse to help me move. I felt like dying!
On the last Friday of October, I had my appointment with my oncologist. The doctor found me healthier and stronger. In fact, the doctor suggested starting the third round of chemotherapy next week. I kindly requested to move the treatment a week later. She said yes! This extra time would allow me to continue getting stronger, especially when dealing with the recently discovered blood clot on my left leg. Hopefully, this blood clot might disintegrate soon. Overall, my health started improving. I started eating more protein to increase iron and blood counts, and I have more independence walking. My left leg became less swollen, and the tumor became smaller with chemotherapy. I have sufficient reason to thank God for his grace to me.
In November, I started my third round of chemotherapy. What made a difference from the other two is the preparation I had this time. I arrived at the hospital stronger physically and emotionally. Doctors were surprised and noticed the change. I think my good nutrition was key to this change — red counts were higher, and proteins were higher. I experienced a lot of grace during this time.
With the third chemotherapy round, I completed the whole treatment. After analyzing the results of the last tomography, the doctors eliminated the fourth chemotherapy round because of the poor results. My doctors believed radiotherapy could offer better results in shrinking the tumor. After receiving chemotherapy for two months, I celebrated the decision to move forward with the general cancer treatment.
By this time, my mother and I were tired of the same routine. But we continued praying for God’s strength and healing twice a day. Against all odds, I was excited when I received the results of the MRI and CAT scans that showed that the tumor was reduced by 20%. With this news, my surgeon started believing that the tumor was then resectable, avoiding a leg amputation. Praise God! God acted in mysterious ways and created a way to make possible for this tumor could be removed.
Radiation treatment: finding hope
After my fourth chemotherapy was canceled, I started the radiation treatment during the first week of December 2022. While I was in the waiting room, I must admit I was a little nervous, but soon the specialized physician found me and told me not to be afraid of the treatment. And he was right. Once the first treatment was done, I realized the radiation therapy was painless. They received the tumor-shrinking news. The physician told me that the team was looking to shrink the tumor further and kill the cancerous cells. Healthy cells, he told me, can be damaged, but they will later restore themselves. This was in fact good news after all the physical trauma I experienced handling chemotherapy treatments.
It was during this time that I met the surgeon to discuss surgery and the post-surgery care. The surgeon’s plan was to make an incision from my left knee to the hip to extract the tumor and cut around 2 inches of healthy muscle around the tumor to remove any potential cancer. He was planning to remove all dead muscle tissue as well. He believed I would return home a couple of days after the surgery, although the full recovery would take several weeks or months until I could walk again with an assistance device. In the second week of January 2023, I completed all the sessions of my radiation treatment.
During the new series of CAT and MRI scans before my tumor surgery, I had a couple of appointments with my oncologist and surgeon, who evaluated my health condition. One of the most important things I learned was that the tumor had high necrosis and debris. Nobody can imagine how happy I was about this news. I could not stop praising God for His mercy. By this time, God had done wonderful things, improving my overall health. My white cells became stabilized after several months of having a high number (which means there is some infection or issue in the body). My red cells reached the minimum to be healed of acute anemia. And finally, the blood clot I had on my left leg had been disappearing. Trusting God was difficult, but I experienced his grace in how he was working to improve my health.
My surgery: the end of cancer
2023 was the year of deliverance from cancer. In March of that year, I underwent a two-hour surgery on my left leg. It was a relief to experience the removal of a seven-pound cancerous tumor on my thigh. The tumor was massive and had attacked not only soft tissue but also the nerves of the leg; the surgeon informed me. The good news was that the cancer had not spread to other parts of the body. It also never damaged the femur or the sciatic nerve. Even though he thought I could not walk in the same way again because of the anterior leg compartment and the quadriceps being completely damaged and removed, he joined me to praise and glorify God that this solution was the best of the other two options: amputation or death.
During this time, I also heard the report from the pathology laboratory that analyzed the tumor. They found the tumor dead with 90% necrosis — something very rare. What surprised me the most was that the pathologist did not find a single living cancerous cell in the extracted tumor. In fact, they could not classify it in more detail because of the necrosis. Only God could have done this wonderful deed! Three weeks after surgery, I attended my first post-operative appointment with the surgeon, where the nurse checked out the incision and noted it had healed well with no infection. So she removed all surgical staples with no issue. For a 22-inch incision from hip to knee, this was definitely excellent news. My prayer during this time was around the idea that “The Lord did not let me die.” One month after surgery, I attended my church using a walker, thanking God for his grace and mercy. When I returned home, I was reminded of what my palliative care doctor wrote in his notes: “Isaias’s faith gives him strength.” He was right!
Post-surgery: recovered and renewed
During 2024, my blood sugar level became normal with diet and exercise; even my mobility improved significantly. It was a year of recovery and progress. I am currently writing my doctoral dissertation. After these two years of dealing with cancer in my thigh, receiving chemotherapy and radiation, and undergoing two surgeries, I have returned to the seminary where I resumed my studies during the fall. It was quite a challenge, but with the help of God and friends; I was able to do it. I am very grateful for all the support I received from family, friends, and churches, as it has allowed me to continue my theological research.
One of the most significant insights I learned during my cancer journey has important implications for one’s theology. Some Christians use Job’s case to support the idea that God brings both sickness and healing. They use the phrase “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away” to support their view. Speaking from my experience with cancer, however, I cannot accept the idea that God gives people cancer in order to glorify himself. While God may allow people to go through sickness and may glorify himself in the healing process, there is a huge difference in asserting that God may find glorification in making people ill. The missing part when some people discuss Job’s case is that his knowledge of God was indeed limited. Job’s latest words show a change in thinking when he finally recognized that “he spoke things he did not understand.” He admitted he had heard about God earlier, but it was until much later that he experienced God on his path to restoration. Back to my story, did God give me cancer? Not at all. Did God allow cancer to happen? Yes. Did God glorify himself in my weakness? Yes! I became humbler and more dependent on him. My understanding of God improved as I experienced him while restoring my whole life despite how bad my health was. I can’t simply forget what one of my doctors told me when I met him during a post-surgery appointment. “I think you know your case was difficult for us as well. All the exams and labs showed you would probably die.” In the end, it took me a significant time to recover, but God did give me life. God used my doctors to remove a seven-pound cancerous mass from my leg, but it was God who gave me healing. Besides experiencing God in a more personal way during my cancer journey, this situation led me to reconsider the relation between faith and sickness… I gained a lot of insights from this!
Vínculo a la versión en español: Experimentando a Dios en medio de un diagnóstico de cáncer.