In John 13:34-35 (New Living Translation), Jesus says:
“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
If you are a Christian, you have probably heard this verse at least once, but how do we put it into practice? Jesus does not just command his disciples to love one another (the command we most often hear). The second command (frequently ignored) states that his disciples must love one another in the same way Jesus loved them. This, my friends, is a hard nut to crack! The Greek verb used in these passages is agape, which is a kind of love that is unconditional and sacrificial. What Jesus meant was to love one another unconditionally and sacrificially, suggesting that loving in such a way has a cost and takes effort.
Throughout the years, I have made friends from both conservative and liberal sides in areas such as religion, ideology, and politics, to mention some. All of them have been very outspoken about the things they believe in. When life circumstances do not go well and our beliefs clash with the beliefs of others, one can quickly realize how loving people may be harder than one thinks it is.
While I was taking the Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) program some years ago, I was invited to reflect on a metaphor to approach the relation between chaplaincy and pastoral care. I used the volunteer service offered by ushers in a congregation as a metaphor to explain the relationships we have with people who are tough to love, or with whom we disagree.
The Usher Metaphor
I used to volunteer as an usher at my home church, where I learned firsthand what ushers have to do and the challenges they face while volunteering. Only a few folks know the high level of empathy ushers should have in order to welcome people each Sunday morning so they can feel comfortable. If there is a place where true empathy is needed, it is when working as ushers. Many congregants would say “hello” or “good morning,” and ushers usually reply to them with a welcoming gesture or by telling them it is great to have them. However, not everyone responds to the usher’s greetings in the same way. While they are people who respond accordingly, there are others who do not respond well or ignore the greeting at all. Some will not even smile or return the cordiality of the usher. Others just criticize the way they were greeted. Despite a variety of responses, ushers must remain empathetic towards each church attendee. They understand that not everyone has experienced the week in the same way.
Empathy in Relationships
Ushers’ awareness that their words have a powerful impact on people shows us the importance of empathy in our daily lives. Inappropriate facial expressions and the lack of active listening, are easy ways to make people feel unloved or uncomfortable. People who feel accepted and welcomed will probably respond in better ways to us than those who do not. Empathy offers people the grace they need from us. It is a way to show them our support without being judgmental. Most people I know will appreciate a considerate listener of their experiences and stories.
I noticed the usefulness of this metaphor when interacting with divisive topics such as politics. As with many other topics, it is important to understand the point of view of the other person. Think about one of your close friends who may hold political positions that you may consider wrong. If you embrace empathy, you will be able to “walk in your friend’s shoes,” attempting to understand life from his/her perspective. Even when it’s difficult, choosing empathy compels us to try and learn more about the reasons or experiences that have led others to their beliefs.
Empathy in Academia
The importance of the concept of empathy is also significant in academia, such as at the seminary, where we frequently find students from different backgrounds who may think differently from us. An unemphatic person would probably not pay attention to other people’s ideas. What matters is what he/she believes, and other people’s ideas are just flawed. Conversely, an emphatic person would try to find any strength in other people’s ideas, such as elements of truth that can be borrowed. For the empathic person, others can provide insights into his/her way of thinking. In this respect, empathy promotes not only connection in academia but also cooperation. I must admit, however, that developing higher empathy challenges us since it takes time and continuous development. Even so, cultivating empathy over time benefits us greatly by broadening the ways we see and interpret the world.
Empathy as the First Step to Love One Another
Empathy is not the end goal, but the starting point to love others. Empathy should not be a mechanism to avoid the truth, for instance. A combination of movies and personal experience can quickly teach us how the misuse of empathy may lead to manipulation and deceit. To avoid this, setting agape love as the ultimate goal fixes this issue. When we truly love people, we will avoid intentionally harming them emotionally, physically, or intellectually. Because loving others is far from being an easy task, empathy invites us to take other people’s perspectives while protecting our individuality and differences.
Developing more empathy is the first step to loving one another. As Christians, we should love people not only with words and thoughts but also through our actions. We should be ready to love others as Jesus did by welcoming people as they are, offering them grace without being judgmental, listening carefully to them when they share their experiences, and remaining calm despite being mistreated.
*Originally published in Kerux. Calvin Theological Seminary. 02/06/2026. https://kerux.calvinseminary.edu/developing-more-empathy-the-key-to-loving-one-another/. All rights reserved by the publisher. Used by permission.