One important aspect I had to develop as a chaplain was increasing my self-awareness. In that regard, reflecting on what biblical character I identified with the most served this purpose. In my case, I identified strongly with is Gideon, the judge.
While for some, Gideon is a courageous and strong figure; for others, he is just a flawed hero. The way we see Gideon depends a lot on the cultural lens we use. In the end, Gideon was a person of his time. He lived in a culture where the religious and the cultural were so ingrained in the social stratification of the Ancient Near Eastern societies. I particularly relate to this situation: I grew up in a country where religion and culture are strongly tied together.
I also identify with Gideon when he struggles with his faith and that, because of his divine calling, he progressively moves away from his state of hesitation. It was then that Gideon further developed his character throughout his journey of faith.
My struggle for a long time was that I mistakenly thought that God would never call me to ministry (I was so wrong!) So when that happened, I had my doubts. My doubts were not about my life as a Christian, but about my calling to serve God. It was after Gideon’s situation changed adversely that Gideon had to put his faith in God and move toward his calling. Similarly, the same thing happened to me. I still remember the time when God called me to study at the seminary in order to prepare for ministry. Because of my doubts, I said no. But in the end; I finished studying at the seminary anyway after my difficulty in finding the job I wanted. I had to take my cross and face the truth: God had called me since I was in the womb of my mother!
I realized God called me first before I could even talk, I could even think, and before I could even make my own decisions.